"Liars are like Cotton Candy. They are packaged in a tasty, delicious disguise, but all they really are is something that spins out of control."


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"Thanks again, I really appreciate all your effort, hard work, advice and concern. I will certainly recommend you to others who may need the services you provide", Kim.


Dear Datesmart,

He was ten years younger than me, no children. I thought he was handsome with beautiful eyes. Three years later our paths crossed again and we married. He was loving, doting, romantic, did not drink or do drugs, a good stepfather...wonderful. Wonderful at lying.

He hid an arrest record and was in deep debt prior to the marriage. He claimed to be on the Terrorist Task Force, the front lines in Panama, an avid parachute jumper in Basic Training during his Army days. He told me he killed a 19 year old male during a self-defense match while stationed in another Country. "Kicked too high and broke his neck." He said the Army deemed it accidental, sent him home early.

His prior service record reflects a Court Martial, in a Private-out a Private. He claimed to be related to a very famous country music singer who recently passed away. He invented a coworker who "sabotaged" his job, causing a one week suspension. There was no coworker. He told me a coworker at another job was his "twin." This coworker had to speak with lots of women in public. If I saw a man talking to women, it was his "twin," not him. His "twin" looks nothing like him.

He told me he was reincarnated from an Uncle that died in a plane crash during a war. He offered this as an explanation for his reoccurring dream about flying the same type of plane his Uncle died in. He bought expensive items on credit then sold or pawned them for cash. He sold my children's saxophone. He blamed all past relationship failures on the woman.

Late into the marriage he claimed to have a secret gambling addiction, after we'd lost our home. He abandoned me and my son three times. The first, dropped me off at work, told me he loved me and would pick me up at lunch. Took our only running vehicle and went 1000 miles away to "be an over-the-road truck driver." The second, he abandoned us while I was at an appointment and my son was in school. He went all over our State writing hot checks on our joint account. He ended up in a local hospital with a "head trauma." Claimed "blackout, seizure, memory loss, multiple personality disorder."

He also claimed he had been "chloroformed and our checkbook stolen." I closed the account while he was in the hospital. We separated. More lies of love, more conning, more begging, back home he came.

Shortly thereafter, checks written by him on our closed account surfaced. I called him and said "don't come near me or my son." Yes, more begging, conning, lies of love. He promised not to lie to me ever again and swore that he would "get help." Six weeks after he came home "for good," he lay in waiting for me to get home from work and go to bed. He abandoned me for the final time. His last words to me when I called him from work the night before he left? "I miss you. I love you. I'm taking you out Saturday night and spending Sunday with you. I bought you pizza-your favorite kind. I love you. Bye."

I filed a missing persons report and eventually a detective found him. The detective told me my husband "wished not to speak to me at all." That he was an adult, free to go where he wanted. So, thanks to not so "Mr. Wonderful" a home was lost, beloved cats had to be given away.

I went bankrupt, not him. The divorce was paid for by me. He was never served divorce papers as he could not be found by my Attorney. My employer paid one months rent and my electric in full so that I would not be evicted. My son and I had to move to a cheaper apartment. My son was hurt and angry. He had a really rough time dealing with being abandoned.

I was treated for depression and post traumatic stress disorder. My tax refund is being held due to Joint back taxes owed. I sent my son to live with his biological father for a while so I could "get well." He took advantage of the whole sad situation and filed a Motion to take legal physical custody of our son. He won. I had him with me 16 years, since his birth.

So, I married "Mr. Wonderful" who turned out to be "Mr. Antisocial." A handsome, charming, romantic, lying, conning, cunning, callous, cruel, person. An Antisocial has no conscience. The calling card of an Antisocial is pathological liar.

Liars are like Cotton Candy. They are packaged in a tasty, delicious disguise, but all they really are is something that spins out of control.

If it doesn't sound believable, don't believe it. If its crazy talk, don't excuse it. If your rational mind tells you their story can't be true, then it isn't true. If it can be verified, verify it! It's your life, your time, your emotions, your money and in some cases your children's lives as well. What does a liar have to offer? Whatever your heart desires. Its easy, all they have to do is lie.

- Kim, Kansas (44) -

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